2024 BMW X5 M Competition First Test: Optimized for Imaginary Use Case

These days, everything seems like a competition. Americans are obsessed with competition—keeping up with Joneses, school rivalries—heck, you could stream five hours every night for years watching nothing but competition shows about dancing, singing, cooking, baking, dating, surviving, restoring homes and cars, or even battling robots. Perhaps in response to this Yankee fascination, you can now only buy the BMW X5 M or X6 M SUVs in their most extreme Competition trims.

OK, the real reason for this change is because prime competitor Mercedes-AMG only offers its GLE63 SUV and Coupe in their most extreme S trims. Buyers in other markets can still get these vehicles with less extreme powertrain and suspension setups. But let’s say you don’t yet have a gut that jiggles on bumps, your threshold for kidney trauma is high, and/or your local weather conditions or tax base mean you only ever drive on mirror-smooth roads. How would a BMW X5 M Competition fare in, you know, a performance and handling competition?

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Drag Race Competition

First a quick recap of the hardware basics, shared in our First Look: The M’s 4.4-liter twin-turbo V-8 gets help from a small electric motor mounted in the transmission, kicking out a combined 617 hp and 553 lb-ft. Mercedes-AMG’s smaller 4.0-liter bi-turbo V-8 is 13 percent torquier, producing 603 hp and 627 lb-ft. AMG employs an extra gearbox cog, too, with nine versus eight. Our test cars weighed in within a single pound on our scales, and their straight-line performance was equally close. Each hit 60 mph in 3.4 seconds, with the deeper-lunged BMW crossing the quarter-mile mark ahead by 0.1 second and 1.4 mph, in 11.8 seconds at 116.6 mph. An Audi RS Q8 and an Alfa Romeo Stelvio Q4 Quadrifoglio would be photo-finishing with these two. That performance would put both this BMW and the Benz even with or ahead of any similarly priced Porsche Cayenne we’ve tested but well behind the way spendier trims with “Turbo” in the name. 

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Road-Course Competition

Braking performance is similarly spot-on, with each stopping from 60 mph in exactly 104 feet. But BMW opens some daylight relative to its GLE63 rival by circulating our figure-eight test course nearly a second ahead, in 24.1 seconds at 0.86 g average versus 25.0 seconds at 0.78 g. The max 0.99 g force our X5 generates in the corners is also well ahead of the AMG’s 0.93 g. Usually tires explain the difference in cases like this, but here both vehicles were shod in Michelin Pilot Sport 4S rubber (although it’s possible their individual fitment specs could vary). Staggered tire and wheel sizes vary, with the BMW on 21s and the AMG on 22s, so we wondered if contact-patch sizes accounted for the difference. Nope. Total static contact patch area measures within 3 square inches, with the Mercedes leading at 278.

So, we can probably credit the BMW’s more even weight distribution, superior suspension kinematics, the consistency with which the brakes tolerated hard application and smooth trailing into the turns for lap after lap, and/or a higher degree of stability control system tolerance for permitting limit-handling shenanigans without intervention. As for those other leading contenders? The Audi RS Q8 runs with the BMW, the Alfa Stelvio Quad with the Mercedes. Our test of a base 2024 Porsche Cayenne weighing 580 pounds less than this X5 M matched its figure-eight time and hung on with 1.02 g of max cornering grip.

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How Does It Work as Transportation?

As ridiculous as a 2.7-ton track car sounds, that is the only use case that makes sense for SUVs as musclebound as the X5 M or GLE63. Toward that end, our test unit featured the M Driver's package (S07ME), elevating top speed from 155 to 177 mph and entitling the owner to take a BMW high-performance driving course. But a savvy track-day buyer would preserve some tire and brake replacement capital by skipping both the $3,100 Executive package and the $3,400 Bowers & Wilkins sound upgrade. Soft-close doors, a high-mounted and heavy panoramic roof, and ventilated massaging seats are utterly anathema to a track car, the massaging is nowhere near as effective as the best Mercedes or Lucid systems, and the stereo struggles to shout down the glorious engine noises and the tiresome tire racket.

Considering this as a dedicated track rat also helps us forgive the X5 M Competition its horrendous ride and shortcomings including an automatic climate control that isn’t (fan speed remains adjustable) and its lack of basic amenities such as adaptive cruise control and lane centering (the button to select them is there, but the features cost $1,700 extra).

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Is the X5 M Competition Competitive?

We’re still mystified by this vehicle’s purpose in life, given that nobody is likely to track it. Why would they, when an M2 costs half as much and is four times more fun everywhere? Frankly, a more supple-riding X5 M60i producing the same torque and just 15 percent less power, equipped with all the expected luxuries at $96,245, makes ever so much more sense. And for anyone hellbent on spending 50 grand more, the Audi RS Q8’s balance of luxury, comfort, and sportiness better suits the way these trucks will actually be driven.