2024 BMW i7 M70 First Test: Skin Deep and to the Bone

The story of the BMW 7 Series has long been "nice enough as a big luxury car, bit funny-looking, but make sure you buy a Mercedes-Benz S-Class ." Before you get behind the wheel of the new seventh-generation big Bimmer, or G70 as its chassis is coded, you might be tempted to assume that sentiment holds true. Maybe while changing "bit funny looking" to "OMG! WTF is BMW smoking?" There's simply no getting around the fact the new 7, especially the i7 M70 we're focusing on here, is bizarre to behold. The front end is literally a spit take. But if you can get past the weird yet brazen looks—we know, that's way easier said than done— the BMW i7 M70 is the best big luxury car currently on sale. But that's a big but.

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What's It All About?

The car's a big ol' thing, too! Nearly 18 feet long, the BMW i7 M70 rides on a 126.6-inch wheelbase. Both dimensions are longer than those of the longest Bentley currently in production, the Flying Spur. The wheelbase is not not coincidently identical to that of the Mercedes-Benz S-Class, although the BMW is about 5 inches longer overall. The Bimmer's wheelbase is close to the Benz EQS electric luxo-barge's, too, being just 0.2 inch longer. Plus, the BMW weighs more than three tons: 6,115 pounds, to be exact. That's heavier than the three cars already mentioned, heavier than the Rolls-Royce Ghost , and basically heavier than everything that isn't a massive truck or SUV. Even the awfully named Mercedes-AMG EQS sedan —the burliest EQS and the M70's closest on-paper rival—comes in at 5,923 pounds. Weight is almost always critically considered in our vehicle reviews, although it's less a factor in luxury cars and SUVs, EVs, or big trucks. Those things are almost always absurdly heavy, and the i7 M70 hits two of three of those marks.

The M70 differs from the lesser i7 models, the eDrive50 and xDrive60, in a couple important ways. Like the 536-hp xDrive60, the M70 is AWD, whereas the 449-hp eDrive50 is a rear-driver. I know this gets confusing—naming cars is hard, apparently—but the eDrive50 and the xDrive60 share the same rear motor; the xDrive60 and the M70 share a 255-hp front motor; and the M70 gets its own larger and more powerful (and M Division-tuned) 483-hp rear motor. In the M70, we're talking about 650 combined horsepower. The M70 stumps up 749 lb-ft of torque most of the time but is capable of producing 811 lb-ft of twist in short, 10-second bursts of "overboost." For those who don't keep track of such things, 811 lb-ft is the same amount of torque the dearly departed Bentley Mulsanne Speed produced. (Pouring out some Krug over here…) Lastly, BMW reports a maximum EPA-rated range of 291 miles, although that number is actually 277 miles on the MotorTrend Road-Trip Range Test. That's just over 95 percent of the EPA range, not too shabby.

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Objectively Speaking

Does all of the above mean the i7 M70 is quick? Oh my, yes. BMW claims a 0-60-mph time of 3.5 seconds, but our test team recorded a 3.2-second blast. Many EVs are crazy quick—3.2 is the same as we've seen from a Rivian R1T pickup truck on off-road tires—but even still, that's a ridiculous time for a huge luxury car with reclining, massaging rear seats and a fold-down 34-inch rear entertainment screen. The Bentley Flying Spur Speed with its 626-hp 6.0-liter W-12 requires 3.6 seconds to hit 60, while the 750-hp AMG EQS does so in just 3.0 seconds flat. Similar story for the quarter-mile: 11.9 seconds at 120.0 mph for the Bentley, 11.5 at 122.4 mph for the BMW, and the AMG wins this rather silly race with 11.4 seconds at 118.1 mph. Quick vehicles require good brakes and all three do pretty good considering their tonnage. The 5,607-pound Spur Speed is tied with the M70 at 109 feet from 60 mph to zero, whereas the AMG EQS needs but 2 feet longer to stop.

Handling? Here's where things get, well, interesting. On paper, and according to our figure-eight test, both the AMG and the Bentley beat up on the M70. The Brit and the other German both get around our course in 24.2 seconds, which is nuts considering the BMW M2 manual and Aston Martin DBX707 both did 24.1-second laps. As stated, the i7 M70 lags, posting a 24.7-second lap, 0.2 second behind a Honda Civic Type R. You need to keep things relative, people! Speaking of relative, the i7 M70 is a much better driver's car than its figure-eight lap would lead you to believe.

Subjectivity

There are two examples that prove the point. The first took place on a racetrack. We filmed an episode of the MotorTrend original Head 2 Head Drag Race at the Streets of Willow, pitting the M70 you're looking at against a beautiful Pale Emerald Bentley Flying Spur Speed. While neither myself nor my cohost Jeff Glucker are pro drivers, we do have quite a bit of amateur racing experience. I drove the Bentley, and he was behind the wheel of the BMW. He went about two seconds quicker around Streets than I did—and he forgot to switch off the M70's traction control! I hesitate to call a race between a $359K Bentley and a $195K BMW (well, $194,695, but who's counting?) real world, but the BMW won convincingly.

Much more relevant, and shocking (and I'm still a bit shocked), was a canyon drive I took in the i7 M70. Due to last year's big Southern California storms, a big section of the famed Angeles Crest Highway is still closed. There's an end-around way to enjoy a large portion of ACH, and it involves a road called Upper Big Tujunga Canyon, a fast, wide-open stretch the locals refer to as "9 Mile." As I was about to turn onto 9 Mile, a Hockenheim Silver Metallic F87 M2 Competition showed me its grille and I let it pass. Then, for who knows what reason, I decided to see if the M70 could keep up. Nine miles later I had my answer: Yup! Was I driving hard? Sure, but the big BMW loved it. Again, it didn't miss a beat.

I tracked down the owner, Danny, and asked him how hard he was pushing. He told me, "Eight-point-five-, maybe nine-tenths." Any quicker, and he would have been in two lanes. Also, yes , he was as shocked as I was that such a (strange-looking) fish out of water was able to do what it was doing. So, there you have it. A three-ton electro-luxo-barge can keep up with a well-driven sports car on a fast road. Danny couldn't believe it, and once I got out and looked at the giant BMW, I had a hard time believing it, too. And I was the driver! Anecdotal? Absolutely, but I've spent time in the aforementioned rivals, the AMG EQS and the big baller Bentley. The BMW drives better and is more fun than either. Why the discrepancy between our figure-eight times and the experience behind the wheel? The figure-eight test is designed to quantify a combination of a vehicle's braking, acceleration, and at-the-limit handling, not its character on an actual road.

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The Conclusion

Downsides? Yes, it's quite absurd-looking from the front. I've heard dozens of people call the new 7 Series ugly, but to me, that's lazy. The face of this thing is beyond the pale, especially with the pig from Angry Birds grin the M70 version adopts to maintain a visual familiarity with other M vehicles such as the M3 and XM . Humans respond emotionally to the front ends of cars because there's usually something anthropomorphic about them. Headlights as eyes, the badge as a nose of sorts, the grille as a mouth. This thing is, uh, porcinomorphic? BMW is forcing us to invent new words. Think I'm being hyperbolic? A little birdie who's seen it told me the upcoming 2025 refresh is going to look like a totally different car.

Then we have the price. Yeah, cars are very expensive these days. But with a starting price of $169,495 and an as-tested sticker a Frozen paint selection away from $200,000 (Frozen Tanzanite Blue Metallic is pretty dope), the BMW i7 M70's price tag is eyewatering. But out of line? As it happened, I was cruising along on the 405 and a previous-generation M760i was keeping pace with me. I've driven that car, and from where I was seated, I knew that the big EV was an order of magnitude better than its 12-cylinder ancestor. Better to drive, better riding, better handling, more luxurious, more tech-laden, quicker—everything. Later, I looked up what the M760i cost new in 2022: $160,495. In other words, BMW is delivering a better successor, and if you take inflation into account, for approximately the same price. Wild. BMW has achieved something transcendent with the i7 M70. It truly is the best big luxury limo currently on sale. Even with that face.