Taste Tested: Chevrolet's Weird Beverage Led Me Down a Meat Smoothie Rabbit Hole

If you were a comedy writer, you could not do a better parody of contemporary culture in Los Angeles than Erewhon. The mega-priced grocer gathers every painful yet accurate stereotype of the City of Angels under one roof. Inexplicably, or so it seems, Detroit’s own Chevrolet has teamed up with the infamous organic grocery store to offer test drives of the new Equinox EV and hand out bottles of Electric Juice, a “limited edition wellness beverage inspired by the Equinox EV.” No, really.

If you’ve never experienced an Erewhon, it’s difficult to comprehend let alone explain the phenomenon. Remember that scene in Annie Hall when Woody Allen’s Alvy Singer is visiting L.A. and derisively orders a plate of “mashed yeast?” For an additional charge, Erewhon will happily put that in a $19 smoothie for you. To quote a friend, “Erewhon makes Whole Foods look like it’s for peasants.”

I didn’t want to burden the Chevrolet public relations team with my nonsense, so I just showed up at 8:30 a.m. with the rest of the washed, tanned, Botoxed, nipped, tucked, and unvaccinated masses. Chevy had at least five of its new Equinox EVs parked on the street in front of the Sherman Oaks Erewhon for test drives and another display-only model sitting pretty in the walkway. I was greeted by two friendly Chevy reps who checked my driver’s license, had me sign an iPad (email harvesting is my guess, though I’m only interested in more information about the 1,064-hp Corvette ZR1), and then I was led over to a fellow who would ride shotgun while I drove a Riptide Blue Equinox EV with the $495 Summit White roof. Did I explain to the gentleman what I do for a living? I did not.

But I did get a pleasant romp around the neighborhood in the surprisingly good to drive new Equinox EV. I suppose I shouldn’t say surprising since almost every Ultium-based product I’ve driven has impressed me, although the $73,000 Acura ZDX A-Spec leaves something to be desired. This EV was a single-motor front-driver, and although its acceleration isn't face-melting, everything else I experienced will impress potential customers. The ride quality, the quietness, the large screens, the colored interior panels, the handsome exterior—they all make a good impression. Then there’s the price: It starts at $43,295, though that’s before the $7,500 federal tax credit, which drops the price to a very attractive $35,795.

OK, but why partner with Erewhon? We live in dumb times, my friends, and electric cars have sadly become politicized. For better or worse, the current godfather of the electric car, Tesla CEO Elon Musk, has turned into a right-wing, Trump-supporting crank. As such, left-leaning Tesla owners—at least here in Los Angeles—are fleeing the brand. Sensing an opportunity, Chevrolet decided to hit disaffected Tesla owners where they shop, right in the Erewhon. Although Tesla is still the 900-pound gorilla in the EV space, other brands aren’t sitting still. I stopped counting the number of EVs in the Erewhon parking lot as I drove in, but I drove past a Mercedes EQS, a Cybertruck, and half a dozen Model Ys. I parked the new Porsche Taycan 4S I was driving next to a Rivian R1T. When I was trying to take an artsy photo of the Equinox EVs in front of Erewhon with the aforementioned Cybertruck in the foreground, a BMW iX drove through the shot.

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Erewhon Is So L.A.

I’m not sure I’m doing a good enough job explaining what Erewhon means to the culture of Los Angeles. To keep quoting movies (hey man, it’s Hollywood), there’s a scene in This Is Spinal Tap when David St. Hubbins is explaining his religious views and says, “I just grab whatever bits of Eastern philosophy float my way.” Well, Erewhon’s never met an organic fad, pseudoscientific trend, or preposterous ingredient it hasn’t assimilated into its gluten-free superfood Borg. Would you like sea moss gel in your smoothie? You got it. No, really. From the joint press release:

“Erewhon is an independent, family-owned Certified B Corp and Certified Organic Retailer with 10 locations across Southern California. Since 1968, Erewhon has been providing organic, ethically sourced foods to the communities it serves. It’s committed to sourcing healthy, nutrient-dense products, backing local growers and brands, and supporting the environment. Recognized for its uncompromising quality standards and customer service, Erewhon sustains a community centered in caring, curiosity, and positive change.”

Guess what? General Motors wants into that space in a bad way. From the same press release:

“General Motors is driving the future of transportation, leveraging advanced technology to build safer, smarter, and lower-emission cars, trucks, and SUVs. GM’s Buick, Cadillac, Chevrolet, and GMC brands offer a broad portfolio of innovative gasoline-powered vehicles and the industry’s widest range of EVs as we move to an all-electric future.”

Does this corporate tie-up make sense now? But that’s not why I schlepped down to Studio City, no. I ventured into the heart of the Valley to drink some preposterously expensive smoothies! Why me? Well, in a former life I was quite involved in homebrewing and became a BJCP Certified Beer Judge. I’ve literally been paid to judge beer. So I’m pretty good at tasting things. Also, despite living most of my life in Los Angeles, including 23 consecutive years, I’ve only been to an Erewhon once before. The previous time was for comedic purposes as I was with Jerry Seinfeld (celebrity namedropping is big in L.A.) and we wondered what exactly a $40 protein shake tastes like. It was the standard $19 peanut butter shake plus add-ons like mushroom powder, sea moss protein, lucuma, and lion’s mane. Answer: It tasted pretty good!

Taste Test: Chevy vs. Skin vs. Meat

To go up against Chevy’s worryingly blue Electric Juice, I chose two that seemed even goofier: Hailey Bieber’s Strawberry Glaze Skin Smoothie (gluten-free, in case you were worried) and something called the Raw Animal Smoothie that contains among other things, “heart and soil beef organs.” First up is Chevy’s Electric Juice. It’s made from something called chocho, “the planet’s most protein-rich plant source.” Blue from blueberries? No! The light blue that’s supposed to match the Equinox EV’s Riptide Blue paint (it doesn’t) is from blue spirulina. “The electric-blue superfood that matches the Equinox EV’s signature color, the tonic's organic ingredients are designed to energize and recharge.” On the nose? Why, yes. It tasted like cereal milk, something I know David Chang (a bicoastal celebrity chef, très L.A.) sells at his restaurant Momofuku. Perhaps too sweet, but for what’s basically a vegan protein shake, not bad at all. That said, one bottle was enough for me.

Brief interlude: The Equinox EV smoothie was premade and sitting in glass milk bottles inside a fridge. The other two I ordered at a counter and had to wait about 15 minutes for. This ain’t fast food, bub. While I was twiddling my thumbs, a guy says to me, “Are you in film?” I say no, and he tells me he is. He’s a writer and director, and he has a new film out that I should watch. He told me the name but also explained that he purposely spelled the title wrong so that it would stand out. Later in the day when I tried to google it, I realized I couldn’t remember how he misspelled it! True L.A. story. Moving on.

Next, we had Hailey Bieber’s smoothie. I went with that because I learned she’s an influencer who’s not only married to Justin Bieber, she’s also Stephen Baldwin’s kid. Again, were you writing a parody of Los Angeles, you couldn’t invent a better character. The Strawberry Glaze Skin Smoothie contains nonsense such as Malk Almond Milk. Malk was literally a Simpsons joke (rat milk, now with plenty of vitamin R!) and yet, unironically, here we are. Other hilarious ingredients include vanilla collagen, avocado, and sea moss. I had about two sips, decided it was a vaguely strawberry sugar bomb, and literally hucked $19 in the trash. The Chevy juice was much better.

Finally, Raw Animal Smoothie, with the beef organs. People, seriously, this is delicious! It tastes like creamy blueberries and bananas with honey, and then there’s an unctuous undertone. You know how you feel after you’ve had a dozen oysters? I felt that! Totally energized, in a slightly salacious way. Loved it. All that said, Erewhon doesn’t list the calorie counts for any of its smoothies, but a quick Reddit dive taught me that we’re talking between 600 and 800 calories a pop. I’d stupidly eaten breakfast, and after the entire bottle of Electric Juice I just couldn’t finish the Raw Animal Smoothie, as much as I wanted to. Had to tap out at the halfway point. I don’t know if I’ll ever set foot inside an Erewhon again. But if I do, I know what I’m ordering. Afterwards, I hopped on the 101 to Sepulveda to the 405 to grab some Yakitori. L.A., I love it.